Zip Lines and Haiti

(Scrolling through pictures of the aftermath of Hurricane Matthew in Haiti. Reading the latest news reports.
264 deaths reported so far.
A cholera outbreak expected.
And my heart aches for the most recent devastation to that country.
I’m reflecting on the hot, sunny afternoon, four years ago today that Angela and I bumped down the roads of Port Au Prince between the airport and the orphanage. The images are indelibly etched into my memory and the lessons from that cross cultural adventure continue to shape my life today.
I revisited a blog post I wrote just before I left on that trip and am reprinting it below. It’s a gift to view life through the lens of retrospect and see the faithfulness of God in all times and places.)

screen-shot-2016-10-06-at-11-43-12-pmSome people thrive on adventure. I don’t even like to watch it in the movies. My idea of a desirable adrenaline rush is a day at the beach catching the waves on my inner tube or planting perennials in my garden then watching them blossom year after year. I’ve tasted risk in dainty, bite sized portions when I was “young” but I lost my appetite for it when I became a parent. My mother bird instinct congealed with my fundamental sense of caution and I’ve been focused on protecting my fledgings ever since. Ask me what I want in this life and I’d tell you a craftsman bungalow on a couple of acres complete with a porch swing and a golden doodle in west Michigan. I’m attracted to familiarity and security like a magnet. Ironically, God’s agenda rarely intersects with my natural inclinations and if you know my lifestyle, you know that God hasn’t been constrained by my wonderful plan for my life. God and I have had moments where unity of purpose prevailed but routinely I feel like He’s taking me on a one way divided highway leading directly away from my destinations of choice. I opt for detours but he persists and in the end I concede that all roads just keep leading back to His highway.

This past weekend, our family got out of dodge and went to an all church retreat. When we checked in at the camp, we were required to sign a waiver releasing the owners from liability if we lost life or limb on their zip line. Everybody weighed in on whether or not they planned to ride this attraction. Suprisingly, I decided to pass.

The following day, it pelted down chilly rain, steady and unrelenting. Adverse conditions for an adventure ride. Nevertheless, Robyn squared her chin soberly and determinedly harnessed up and climbed the 45 ft. tower only to plunge into the abyss at the mercy of a rope. Robyn’s not inherently a thrill seeker but she is determined to face her fears and not afraid to shed a few tears in the process.

I watched her from a distance sitting on the edge of the platform WAY up high waiting to be released. Her “take off” was delayed because the tandem rider got cold feet at the top and that left Robyn looking over the precipice for 5 extra minutes while the other child cut and ran. Then, I heard an “All Clear” from the staff and saw Robyn edge her way off the platform with resolve.

At the bottom, I met her. Her legs were shaking either from a thorough chill or the physical let down after a fight and flight response. I asked her what she thought. “Well, it was pretty scary. I’m not sure I’d do it again but I’m glad I did it,” she replied.

As I approach my departure for Haiti, I keep seeing Robyn in my mind’s eye.

Many years ago, God impressed on me the conviction to both teach my children about the world in need and to go with them beyond our borders for a “birds eye view” of the uttermost parts of the earth. Angela caught my vision when she turned 12 after reading thirty missionary biographies in a single month. Recently, God opened a door of opportunity for us to join a team traveling to Haiti–to work with orphans, who need to know that a Father loves them, and to glimpse that love through this mother and daughter.

So, like Robyn, I’m climbing my own platform and the pelting rain of fear is drenching me.

I Fear almost everything; flying, safety, shots, medicines, immunizations, illness, disease, lice, heat, dehydration. I fret about the family staying stateside; sibling conflict, school, meals, logistics, potential accidents.
My self-talk says: You’re not physically strong enough. Your contribution to this team will be insufficient. Your kingdom contribution with be inferior.
I have questions I can’t answer like, What if we don’t meet up with our driver at the airport? What if I can’t protect Angela from harm? What if I see my son in one of those children and come back having given my heart to an orphan?
And on a lighter note, how will I cope with looking at myself in the mirror for a week without a blowdryer or hair straightener?

I’m looking over the precipice, and soon, God willing, I’ll scoot to the end of the platform, lean forward and try my wings. Time to fly–for Angela and for me. I’m reluctant but resolved that with my own harness securely attached to Someone who is stronger than any rope, my landing is secure. And, who knows, I might even enjoy the view.

Thank you Robyn for your example.

“And a child shall lead them.” Isaiah 11:6

(Originally published at bwebsterfamily.blogspot.com, Living, Loving and Learning Together)

Those Lazy Summer Beach Days

20160610_145045Robyn wished on a dandelion for one trip a week to the beach, ALL SUMMER LONG.
“That I can do,” said I. And we did.20160528_205720

We share a long history, Lake Michigan and I. On balmy summer nights with an east wind, I’d fall asleep to the lullaby of the foghorn back when I was a little girl. And at fifty, the waves still mezmorize me.
By generational influence, my girls are hypnotized too.
So we pack up our paraphanalia and head out the door.
An hour later, our beach chairs are parked in the sand.

We all have our unique beach rhythms.
One girl reads and naps on a Mexican blanket.
Another skirts the buoys out near the deep water.

The littlest builds castles and moats. She designs waterways. When a wave crashes onto the shore, washing over them, she starts over—again and again.
I watch her musing about all of the idyllic castles I’ve constructed out of hopes and dreams instead of sand. And Lord knows, I’ve built many a moat of self protection. Then God sends His mysterious wave of sovereignty and flattens my fortresses in one fell blow reminding me that Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.” (Proverbs 19:21)
20160722_173917Lounging on a orange inflatable, that’s where you’ll find me. I walk out into the water as far as my courage allows, jump into my seat and ride the waves back toward shore.
Over and over again.

The Lake has it’s own unique persona.
On green flag days, the waves rock gently, methodically, like a mama with her baby. They sing softly a song of comfort and assurance.
When the yellow flag flies, the water dances a syncopated rhythm, unresolved like jazz.
I watch red flag days from the shore because a healthy relationship with this Lake requires both love and respect. God’s playing rough on His playground, a reminder that He’s not safe but He’s good.img_0387

As I scan the beach, it’s adorned in color, from rainbow umbrellas to nuanced tones of melanin. People of every shape and size, all by God’s artistic design.
Teen girls insecure about what’s inside flaunting what’s only skin deep.
And young mamas calling their kiddos closer to shore over the drum of the waves.
Daddies building castles with their littles.
Adventure seeking youth dune jumping.
Dogs chasing Frisbees and swimming out to fetch sticks.
Empty nesters reading novels on lounge chairs.
A saggy grandma and wrinkly grandpa holding hands in their floaties. I hope that will be us someday….
And there’s a lady, maybe my age, bald, wearing a bandana. She’s assessing the horizon peering across the lake toward the other shore.

I wonder about her story…. All of their stories….
Each unique.
And God not only knows each story, He’s writing them all.
Mine feels so important to me.
Theirs feels so important to them.
Everybody’s is important to God.
And here we all are in this sacred place living today’s stories under the brilliantly colorful umbrella of God’s faithfulness, the fresh new mercies of sand and water, sunshine and friendship, family and play.


And it’s not just us. It’s all the souls on all the beaches from the Great Lakes to the East coast, to Hawaii and Australia and Vanuatu.
They’re all living their stories too.

According to my friend, Pinterest has a name for this kind of reflection.
Sonder.
It’s defined as “the realization that each passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as yours, populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherent craziness—an epic story that continues invisibly around you.”

dscf8831The water’s sparkling like diamonds refocusing my attention. Nature’s sundial tells me it’s time to go. I give the five minute call and start packing up. We brush the sand off our feet in the parking lot and then drive home to the house with the Michigan address in the van with the Michigan license plate on it.

The beach days are almost gone for this year. Those seagulls, they’ll migrate south pretty soon.
We’ve lived them to the full with no regrets.


And here on the mitten shaped penninsula, summer will change clothes to reds, oranges and bright golden yellows before it gets cold and dark and gray for winters chill.
So we learn to live dressed in hope.
And we anticipate next year because the beach isn’t going anywhere.
And neither is his mercy.
In every season, fresh new reminders of His goodness and love.

Sunflowers

IMG_0436I feel it.
Fall looms.
It’s not the weather. I’m still wearing tank tops and donning a sweaty glow.
It’s the sunflowers.
Towering overhead, they face the sun and slouch toward the ground announcing that summer ebbs and fall flows.
The calendar confirms the message of the sunflowers. It’s about to flip to September and our family rhythms are morphing into school routines.
All good things must come to an end….

DSCF8673Just as the trees dressed themselves in spring, we planted our sunflowers, my baby and I. Methodically, we set single seeds in starter pots, covered them with soil and water then sprinkled them with the fairy dust of patience and hope. That night around the dinner table we imagined forward anticipating beach days and gardening, lawn mowing and picnics, exercise routines and bonfires, friends visiting from the four winds.

Every day after that, we watched and watered and wondered when our seeds would sprout. First, they peeked out as tiny green shoots. Then they outgrew their small containers and we transplanted them into neat rows in the big garden.
As we tucked their immature root system in the soil, I worried aloud that the deer might trample them but they didn’t. And pretty soon, with the late spring rains, they grew quicker than weeds and danced in the wind waving “Hello Summer”.
While they grew, we drove and flew.
We attended a wedding, and a funeral.
We buried a dog and adopted a puppy.
We mowed and grilled, walked and swam.
We picnicked on the lawn and at the beach.
And eventually our sunflowers outgrew my baby and then me. Some bent over after hard pelting rains or gusty southwest winds. A few even snapped at the base of the stem. The rest stretched for the sun and last week, after a nourishing rain,  finally bloomed all sunshine.IMG_0324

So why am I ambivalent, I wonder?
When I walk out to the garden to admire them, it’s melancholy I feel.
A whole summer of fresh, new mercies one day at a time.
And now it’s almost gone…..

It’s like playing a board game with an hourglass. You glance over and see there are only a few grains of sand left. And you feel the pressure to make your move—quick. Before it’s too late.

So I gather up the family and make my pitch at dinner. How about a family beach day? Last chance before school starts. All together this time, except for the one who’s not here anymore. And we can take the new puppy.

The sands of time, they can’t be flipped for a restart. In real, we don’t get to turn the hourglass over. We only get to ride this summer once and it’s almost in the history books.

So we’re intentional about finishing well.
We celebrate all of the sweetness, the surprises, the adventures.
The people who came from near and far to sleep and eat and play with us.
The food and flowers that grew as we kept our commitment to water them.
The places we went to serve and help.
All the blueberries we picked.
All of the waves we watched lap onto the shore.

And we make space to feel sadness about what we lost.
An aunt.
A pet.
Some innocence.

And we reflect on what we hoped for but didn’t happen.
The people we wanted to be with but weren’t.
The moments we could have been enjoying each other but sat in front of our devices instead.

IMG_1878This year, it’s the sunflowers instead of Rubbermaid bins that serve as a tangible reminder that the season’s changing.
So, I take my scissors out to the garden and cut the blooms with broken stems, arranging them in vases with fresh water. They drop bright yellow pollen on the kitchen table and I am reminded that fall has it’s own fairy dust of anticipation just beyond the transition.

Girl’s Best Friend

There are lots of dog stories in our family history.
Rushie was first, an overachieving poodle that won a blue ribbon in obedience class. Then Autumn, our “perfect” golden retriever. After that, we fostered Mitch, the tick infested mutt who made a dog parent look bad with his ferocious walking manners but kid friendly disposition. Then we fostered Isabelle, the sad looking basset hound with floppy ears. Next was Goldie, the not so kid friendly puppy we surrendered after Starla was born. And the girls all tease me about a multitude of strays that I’ve “rescued” presuming they were estranged from their owners only to find out they were neighbor dogs wandering beyond their borders. But on this day, we pay tribute to Gracie, the Golden we adopted for Lily and the sweet companionship between a girl and her dog and the family who lived and loved into this beautiful story.

We said goodbye to her today.
And frankly, goodbyes stink.
This morning I stepped over Gracie, laying near the back door, on my way outside to water the plants. Tonight, she’s out in the yard, not quite three feet under, with Starla’s hand picked daisy marking her grave. And the wound in our hearts is as fresh as the unpacked dirt lying on top of her.
Our family rhythms are disrupted. I didn’t hear the sound of dog food plinking against the metal bowl at dinner time or Lily saying, “Come on Gracie, Go Outside,” followed by the back door opening and closing again just before bedtime. When we played out in the yard tonight, she wasn’t sniffing around or laying in the shade of one our mature trees. And when I peeked in at Lily breathing methodically in her sleep, Gracie’s pillow in the corner of the room lay empty.
Never again will we she beg for our popcorn.
Or snore when she sleeps.
We won’t catch a whiff of her awful breath when she pants anxiously either.
And Brian and I will now take our late night walks unaccompanied.

Her quirky disposition was endearing.
A watchdog she wasn’t since she never met a human she didn’t adore.
And her table manners defied southern charm.
But her longsuffering when manhandled and her playful participation in the girls’ childish adventures, delighted them.
And her quintessential listening skills, riveted attention and physical presence comforted us all.
She was companion to Lily during the dark night of the soul.
And she was confidante to Brian and I over thousands of miles of walks. She heard all our secrets and was privy to our most private prayers.

So grief and gratitude intermingle in a puddle of tears.
Thank you Gracie for gifting our family with your presence.
Thank you God. All good gifts come from You.

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Happy Heavenly Birthday, Mom

Screen Shot 2016-02-28 at 9.48.13 PMFebruary 27. The day my mom’s address changed to Heaven. We celebrate all of the grandparent’s heavenly birthdays every year. It is our way of being intentional about remembering the significance of their lives interwoven into ours. To acknowledge their legacy.

A few days after her home going, I spoke these words over her casket, which was covered in a quilt she’d sewn. I rested my hand on the worn, recycled fabric stitched with love and spoke a tribute to her life. This is what I want my girls to remember about their grandma.

My mom was the seamstress who crafted this quilt.
(I run my hand along the quilt draped over her casket.)
In my mind’s eye, I can see her seated behind her sewing machine assembling others like it. Many more. My linen closet is evidence of the delight she experienced creating them. Some of your closets are too.
I invite you to muse with me for a moment about the fabric pieces displayed here and let them represent the story of Elaine’s life- her hobbies, passions, skills and relationships.

(As I point to various pieces, I say) Perhaps this piece represents her role as
Mother
Daughter
Sister
Aunt
Wife
Foster Parent
Grandma
Friend
Employee
Neighbor
Property Owner
Seamstress
Crafter
Garage Sale Queen
Homemaker
Pedestrian
Pianist
And most importantly “Christian”

For each piece, there are stories—snapshots of her life. Some we know. Others are tucked away in hidden places that only God perceives. In my stories, I will forever see her on the bench of her Story and Clark piano playing hymns and walking down the sidewalk arms full of garage sale treasures. I will hear her saying “C’mon, Let’s go. Hurry up.” I will smell the oatmeal she cooked for my dad every day for breakfast. I will think of her whenever I eat a piece of pie.

Mom always crafted crazy quilts, sometimes called “wild goose chase” quilts. Crazy quilts use leftover scraps with rough edges and uneven shapes. Like all of us, Elaine’s quilts and life exhibited imperfections. Still, all the pieces of her quilt were attached and securely held together by machine stitching, like all the pieces of Elaine’s story are woven together by the hand of the loving, forgiving God who she committed her life to as a young girl. Just as the backing surrounds the quilt, God’s faithfulness surrounded her life for eighty-nine years and then He took her home to glory.

I recently happened upon this quote by Eliza Calvert Hall comparing our lives to quilt making. While it is not a theological statement, I appreciate the wisdom in her words:

“Did you ever think, Child, how much piecin’ a quilt’s like livin’ a life? You see, you start out with just so much calico; you don’t go to the store and pick it out and buy it, but the neighbors will give you a piece here and a piece there, and you’ll have a piece left every time you cut out a dress, and you take jest what happens to come…. When it comes to the cutting out, why, you’re free to choose your own pattern. You can give the same kind of pieces to two persons, and one’ll make a nine-patch and one’ll make a wild-goose chase, and there’ll be two quilts made out of the same kind of pieces, and jest as different as they can be. And that is jest the way with livin’. The Lord sends us the pieces, but we can cut them out and put them together pretty much to suit ourselves, and there’s a heap more in the cuttin’ out and the sewin’ than there is in the calico.”

Cuttin’ out and sewin’ the story of our lives represents our daily choices that lead to lasting patterns resulting in lifelong consequences. That becomes our legacy. On days like this one, we reflect back on a person’s life that is now connected to ours only through memory. And we are confronted with the reality that someday that will be us—me.
(I point to the casket.)
My shell in the box and others musing introspectively.
With that realization, these questions shape my thinking about the past and the future:

What are my pieces and what stories do they represent?
How is my quilt held together?
Will my quilt be a treasured heirloom for generations to come?

My mom’s quilt, her life and legacy IS a treasured heirloom.
Her children, grandchildren and generations beyond are blessed because of her family loyalty and devotion.
She leaves more than a husband and two daughters. She delighted in her six granddaughters, and an abundance of nieces and nephews all of whom benefitted from her generosity and care.
Her appreciation of music and the hymns of the faith is a gift passed down to my girls who sang to her about the “Mansions over the Hilltop” on the phone just this past week.
She valued Christian education and sacrificed to provide it for her children, her relatives and the other friends.
She inspired us with her courage, perseverance and resiliency even with the crippling effects of debilitating arthritis and repeated strokes as well as the chronic infirmity of congestive heart failure and dementia.
Most importantly, my mother, Elaine’s greatest legacy is her faith—faith in a God who takes the imperfect pieces of our lives and creates an original handiwork, a beautiful image of his glory, when we let Him craft the quilt.

Even In Winter

Counting the gifts in every season, even winter.
Grateful for:
Snow buddies with carrot noses.1EA5BE00-88F1-40E5-AA57-7D8BF1C06A7B62A8BB52-9A1C-4A0E-848E-3EA7343AE13E (1)
Hand me down boots.
Thrift store snowpants.
Catching flakes on our tongues.
54514989-1794-4993-8642-A415B7A5979177EC33E3-B038-4C9F-BB96-C82E972C0689 (1)
Winter walks on the beach.


Hot drinks warming cold hands.
Tubing down hills.
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A snow shoveller extraordinaire.
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Wind whipping blowing flurries.
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Snow angels.
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Cuddling under warm quilts.
Cinammon Sunset hot tea.
Ice skating at Rosa Parks Circle.
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Intricately crafted paper snowflakes.
Cozy warm fires.
IMG_0124
Late night bubble baths.
Sparkling, white snow blanketing the ground.
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Good neighbors plowing our driveway.
Salt on roads.
Savory soups.
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And grey skies invitation to a long nap.

Then, surprise!  Several warm, sunny, melting February days.
Go figure.
Planting spring bulbs in pots alongside my trusty assistant. A foretaste of the next season to anticipate with all of its fresh mercies and new opportunities.
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Thank you, God.

Love and Lent

Love and Lent. They’re like two unlikely but perfectly synchronized dance partners. Lent leads and love follows.
An annual forty day season of fasting and repentance, Lent points us to Easter Sunday on the path straight through Good Friday. And Good Friday is the ultimate illustration of love.

We’ve just celebrated Valentine’s Day, the quintessential annual festival of romantic love. While everybody hopes to live at least a few really great Valentine’s stories, the original story behind the holiday paints a far broader stroke of love than we typically observe. History, mixed with a smattering of legend, tells us about a priest named Valentinius who defied the Roman emperor’s ban on marriages and officiated for young couples. Eventually, he was thrown in prison where he befriended his jailer and then the jailer’s blind daughter whom he tutored and mentored from his cell until he was martyred. The origins of Valentine’s Day point to sacrifice, humility and courage in the face of risk. Valentinius embraced those challenges because he had an example to follow. And it was Jesus.

This is what the Bible tells us about Jesus.
He was despised and rejected—a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief. We turned our backs on him and looked the other way. He was despised, and we did not care. Yet it was our weaknesses he carried; it was our sorrows that weighed him down. And we thought his troubles were a punishment from God, a punishment for his own sins!
But he was pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins.
He was beaten so we could be whole. He was whipped so we could be healed.
All of us, like sheep, have strayed away. We have left God’s paths to follow our own. Yet the Lord laid on him the sins of us all.
He was oppressed and treated harshly, yet he never said a word. He was led like a lamb to the slaughter. And as a sheep is silent before the shearers, he did not open his mouth. Unjustly condemned, he was led away. No one cared that he died without descendants, that his life was cut short in midstream.
But he was struck down for the rebellion of my people. He had done no wrong and had never deceived anyone.
But he was buried like a criminal; he was put in a rich man’s grave. (Isaiah 53:3-9)
JesusSaves
And that is what Lent is all about. Taking the time to pause long and look closely at Jesus. Not sterilizing or photo editing the mental picture but rather, gazing at the cross in all its grisly, appalling horror. And in his pool of blood seeing the words written indelibly, “I Love You”.
The more I examine the cross from that vantage point, the more clearly love comes into focus.
And when the cross is inscribed on my heart, it gives clarity to my identity and we all love forward from our identity.
Jesus says to me, “Love each other just as I have loved you.” (John 13:34 and 15:12)
So, I survey his example and pay it forward to others.
Easier to describe and harder to live because Jesus blueprint for love
-Necessitates sacrifice.
-Entails risk.
-And requires humility.

Love necessitates sacrifice. Last week over coffee, my friend Ruthie described it best. “Love means you’ve got to hang on the cross and carry it too.” Something in my spirit recoils at the thought. The cost feels prohibitive and unreasonable until I consider Jesus who gave up his rights and privileges, deferred the use of his power deliberately and wittingly assumed the burden of sin that he didn’t deserve. He took it all on his tired shoulders and carried it up the hill of Golgotha then nailed himself to the tree. Citizen Way describes it like this:
I used to think that love should never have to bleed.
I used to think that life was all about the dream.
But love is a mess.
And life is a death.
And you can’t escape the cost.
Yea, love is a mess, [that’s] the story of the cross.
I enter His story when I don’t fight for my rights or to be right but rather entrust what is right to my faithful God and let him choose the price.

Love entails risk. We’ve all been burned by relationships. And after some singes and maybe even first or second-degree wounds, we are tempted to self-protect from vulnerability, to resist kindness, generosity and sincere affection. Lent reminds us we’re not just victims. We’re agents too. God took a third degree burn, a mortal wound from me. Lent faces me squarely toward the mirror to see how I have injured and to inspect the harm inflicted by my actions and attitudes. And when I view it, through that lens, Lent provides a correction and gives clarity to my perspective. I accept that love is a messy business and we’re all prone to accidents. And I pick myself back up and step out into the light of the fire because love is worth the hurt.

Love requires humility. It resists self-serving ambitions and ego stroking intentions. Jesus displayed a supreme example of servility in word and deed. There’s an expression that goes, “Leave a place better than you found it.” In relationships, love adapts that cliché and says, “Leave a person better than you found them.” And so I reflect on the long list of people God has caused my life to intersect with and I remind myself to do what I can so that the other person will have trended upward because of their connection with me. And I accept the limitations of my efforts because they make choices too. I focus on giving them a taste of Jesus and pray it will whet their appetite for more. Then I leave the rest up to God.

We’re all hardwired for relationships by design. Everybody longs for love. Everyone wants to be chosen. The good news is that we’ve already been chosen.
Chosen by the One
Who won’t leave,
Won’t change his mind,
Won’t be selfish
Or proud
Or unkind.
The One who will be faithful,
Who will be true,
Who will protect,
And persevere
And be kind.

And so I anticipate, first, the dirge of Good Friday followed by the wild, jubilant Easter morning holy dance of love. And Lent will lead the way.

Politics and Bad Hair

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I don’t know which disgruntles me more this morning, the denial of my appeal to the Illinois Tollway for the $120 fine I was assessed or Donald Trump’s primary victory in New Hampshire last night. How a narcissist of that magnitude could win any primary embarrasses me as an American and both leave a nasty aftertaste in my mouth.
Politics rarely energizes me anymore so I don’t usually talk about it, but anybody who has as much money as Trump and can’t find a better hairdresser, well, that’s upsetting even to a politically unengaged person.

It’s really just in the past decade that I’ve become intentionally politically aloof. Mellow. Back in the day, political activism invigorated me too.

Society always confronts life and death issues in every era. I was born into the war against communism. On the ground, it was fought in Vietnam but ultimately the enemy was Russia. Peace loving hippies protested between love-ins and doping up on marijuana in Volkswagen vans. And school kids hid under desks in fear of atomic bombs in duck and cover drills.
After that war, life and death took center stage on a societal platform and the spotlight beamed on the issue of abortion. Our country splintered culturally over the question of whether or not a baby growing inside a mother’s womb has personhood and even if it does, whose rights trump. (No pun intended.) It was at that moment in history I was a twenty-something– zealous for justice, somewhat naive and slightly arrogant. I used to picket in front of an abortion clinic on a monthly rotation. I loved both women and babies and I didn’t’ want either of them to die so every month I took my handmade sign which read, “Abortion Stops a Beating Heart” and stood in front of the local Planned Parenthood. I’ll never know how God chose to use picket signs to contribute to His plan for protecting the lives of the unborn, but in hindsight, I sense my efforts were far less helpful than I perceived at the time. It seems to me a lot like the current trend where twenty-somethings like groups on Facebook or wear a T-shirt to communicate support of a cause they believe in. It feels proactive but I’m not sure it accomplishes much.

When I became a thirty-something and had a couple of babies of my own, I channeled my passion for the life of the unborn into the work of a local pregnancy center, volunteering on a weekly basis, administering pregnancy tests, counseling young girls unprepared for motherhood, and distributing clothes, diapers and formula to young mommies in need and at risk. As a result, I grappled more thoughtfully with the complexity of the issue by engaging in the real life stories of people who were in the middle of the mess. And I realized that answers to the biggest human questions are rarely as politically tidy as I’d like to make them. Ultimately, I believe, that the answer to all of the negative consequences of living in a society amongst fallen, sinful people is not government but Jesus. Who would have guessed that the universal Sunday School answer really does apply?

When the demands of my family and a cross-country move reset my schedule, my participation in the cause of “Life” transitioned too. I focused on becoming a well informed voter and electing government representatives committed to promoting Life and all of it’s related legislation. Those years, I listened to conservative political talk radio. I’m embarrassed to admit it now, but the kids were little and in part, I was so lonely for adult conversation, it filled a void. In retrospect, it reminds me of afternoon TV soap operas. The storyline is cyclical–never really goes anywhere- and you come away from it feeling dirty, depressed and agitated because the stuff you’ve been ingesting isn’t good, pure, true, honorable, lovely or of good report. (Phil. 4:8). At least that’s what it was like for me.
The constant complaining on talk radio also gets on my nerves. For example, when gas prices are high, people moan about the effect on the economy. When they plummet, they complain that opposing politicians are conspiring to sabotage energy independence. They might be right but malcontents aren’t attractive.
Note to self. It takes one to know one.
So, I’ll pass on talk radio and keep my sermon podcasts, thank you. And if you’re my family or friend, you’ll be glad because I’m a nicer person that way.

You don’t typically find me engaging in elongated political banter anymore either. In my experience, it rarely unites people relationally or politically. Sparks fly when people dig their heels in and fight for their cause. I’m reminded of the restaurant hostess in the movie “Mom’s Night Out” who tells the agitated mother that her anger is doing something ugly to her face.
It’s easy to be rude, arrogant and disrespectful in the name of your position but Jesus delights when we practice being quick to listen and slow to speak. (James 1:19) I consider the most important relational quality any person can emulate is teachability. There’s a whole lot of things I’ll flex on but arrogance is not one of them. Passion is good. Arrogance is poison—politically and personally. I tell my girls, don’t even think about bringing a guy home to me and expect my blessing if he’s not teachable. That is an invitation for lifelong misery that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy, my country and most importantly the girls I love best. I tell them to look for a man who is humble, learning to admit his mistakes and repair the damages caused by them. That’s the kind of spouse, citizen and candidate I admire.

Thankfully, there are usually still a few candidates that exemplify admirable character in faith, family, profession, citizenship and personal integrity. For those folks, navigating the jungle of the political machine has got to be dizzying. God bless them.

Before I hit forty, 9/11 created a whole new focal point for Americans thinking about life and death issues. International terrorist extremism led to our direct involvement in wars in the Middle East, (Yes. I know that’s a position statement.) and increased security protocols at home. More recently, masses of refugees seeking asylum from violence and persecution command the public eye.

These days, I’m not picketing or volunteering at a center and I’m not imbibing the chatter on the airwaves either. Instead, I put my best foot forward, intentionally stepping out of my comfort zone and into the lives that God causes my path to intersect with. Whether it be unwed or at risk moms, international students or refugees that have settled into my community, I can contribute to life and influence for good one relationship at a time. And I’m wondering if that just might be a more effective way to eradicate the evils of the world than T-shirts, picketing, demonstrations, petitions or Facebook.

So it’s that time again–another political cycle leading up to a presidential election. It makes me think of a Magic Show with con artists promising all sorts of amazing tricks. Candidates claim they will fix national, international and societal problems in less time than it takes to kick a bad habit, fix a broken marriage or reconcile a fissure between friends.
How gullible are we?
Honestly, political campaigns resemble a parent who tells their kid there’s a Santa Claus or a tooth fairy. It might be fun to pretend for a while but someday they’ll grow up and realize it was all an illusion.

Our family submitted applications for absentee ballots in the upcoming primary. Daughter number two missed voting privileges by three months. My husband and I don’t always vote the same even though we share many core values and convictions. He’s far more informed than I and if I can’t summon the will to research a candidate, I can trust him to educate me.

My voting strategy is ever evolving, but during my forty-something decade, I’ve voted my conscience in the primary and for the lesser of two evils in the general election. That may change this time. If it increases the chance of the guy with the bad hair being the Republican candidate, I will have to go with plan B.

Life is a journey, politically, spiritually and physically. Society works best when all ages and stages bring their energy, ideas and wisdom to the table with a gracious attitude and a spirit of cooperation. I think that posture promotes the common good.

Here’s what I believe. In the end, the bottom line is that the only really good king is Jesus. And I’m waiting for him to set up his throne where the lion lays down with the lamb. In the meantime, I remind myself that this world is not my home. I’m just passing through and that energizes me to
Support What Is Good.
Complain Less.
Pray More.
Love Well.

That’s my political manifesto.

What makes Lily Lily

DNAinavialLily gifted me a very special present today. Her DNA. It hung around her neck on a rope as she wandered out to the van from biology lab.

“We rubbed something around in our mouth and then mixed it with this liquid,” she explained.
“See the white stuff,” she pointed at the tiny vial. “That’s my DNA.”
Then she asked, “What am I going to do with it, Mama?”
“Put it in your hope chest,” I responded.
“Gross!” she replied.

But to me, it’s at least as special as a baby tooth. And I saved those. I even kept a little container with my “perfect” dog, Autumn’s baby teeth in it.
That’s how sentimental I am.
So I told her, “I’ll take it and put it in my hope chest then.” And I did.

Someday when I’m just a memory, the girls will unpack that cedar box. First it was grandma’s then mama’s and they’ll laugh about what I chose to keep.
They’ll find my positive pregnancy tests in Ziploc bags.
All the cards they ever gave me.
Their daddy’s cards too.
And the ones from my friends who spoke words of affirmation over me.
I guess I like cards.
I have a few diaries from my adolescence. Some of them I threw away. I just couldn’t bear the embarrassment. I was ridiculous!
There are yearbooks and diplomas, a high school class ring.
And all my favorite sermons on cassette tape.
Even a piece of driftwood straight from the Great Lake.
And I wouldn’t want to forget all those baby teeth.
Tonight, there’s also Lily’s DNA necklace.
I’d call that a stellar addition.

_MG_2709 (1)It might not seem like a big deal to her but it’s a wonder to me. That tiny morsel of white stuff is what made Lily Lily and it originated from a unique combination of Daddy and I under the supervisory design of God himself.

That DNA is nothing short of a miracle and neither is Lily.

Buses, Vans, Planes, Trains and Weddings…

busFriday, I hug one goodbye and she boards a bus. Again. Second time this month. I cry half the way home and she’s only gone for a couple of days. Is it hormones or anticipatory grieving? Maybe it’s worry. What will she injure this time? Whatever the cause, tears are a mama’s prerogative.

road trip

The next morning, we take to the open road on a perfect Midwestern winter day. Naked trees. Silos and corn fields dotting the landscape. Billowy clouds overhead and the sun flirts with the snow, making it sparkle. I drive in good company with the two I fondly refer to as “my littles”—not because they are anymore but because that’s how I like to think of them. We pass the sign that says “Welcome to Ohio” and pick up the oldest at the airport on the way to Grandmas. We’re headed to a wedding of the boy nephew who was playing in the baby pool with my big girl yesterday. Or was it the day before?

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weddingcouple1On Sunday, he marries his high school sweetheart against the odds. It’s all very enchanting. From the snowflakes dancing in the wind to the Valentine’s red bridesmaid dresses, the heart shaped Dove candy and the adoring gazes intermingled with passionate embraces, I’m watching these sacred moments and contemplating the way romance morphs as it is seasoned by years and soldered by commitment.

Over time, romance is less about candlelight dinners with soft music and more about cleaning up vomit and mopping up messes, about preparing nutritious meals for the ten thousandth time and then doing the dishes to boot, about getting out of bed every day even when your job is boring, your boss is undesirable, your co-workers are unreasonable and you’re undervalued as well as underpaid in order to provide a roof over your family’s head. And then, sitting at the kitchen table late into the night paying bills.

27 years in, I still appreciate compliments, flowers and chocolate as much as the next girl but creative flattery is like dessert—delightful and tasty- but you can’t live on it. Daily relational nourishment is sustained by an entirely different kind of romance. It’s praying together hands intertwined, and lying in bed next to one another late into the night recounting with gratitude the faithfulness of God in the story we’ve shared.

Like that time when the car broke down in the middle of nowhere on a road trip and we were stranded at a truck stop overnight.
…And the phone call with the job offer from our alma mater. We jumped up and down for joy.
…And there were the days we buried our parents.
…And his Ph.D. graduation.
…And months when chronic health issues pummeled us and our children.
…And the moment our first daughter greeted the world with a cry, was placed first in his arms, then to my breast.
And then came a second, and a third and a fourth little girl.
…And the night he read the Psalms to me while I labored to deliver our stillborn son. Then he built a cedar chest in the garage to lay his tiny body in while I sat in a lawn chair and we planned the memorial service.
…And we built our dream house, which turned into a relational nightmare actually.
…And our big girl’s graduation from home school.
…And he called a family conference and gave us a “For Sale” sign for our Texas house and informed us we were moving back to Michigan.
…And that all important hour, we landed in a marriage counselor’s office. Broken and bruised, we looked in the mirror, didn’t like what we saw and decided to do something about it.

The pastor admonishes the dreamy eyed couple, “There’s nothing easier than saying words and nothing harder than living them.”
He’s right. Talk is cheap. Someday, these two will look back on their sappy promises and profuse expressions of affection and muse that mature love is learned in the school of hard knocks. Joys they can’t anticipate and pain they don’t yet know. And the best part is that they’ll figure it all out together.

And that is why I feel celebratory on this day. Because these sweet, tender young uns’ have given their word and signed a legally binding document before God and these witnesses. Now they actually get to learn to live love. And that is the grandest, most defining and sanctifying adventure of all. So when the DJ rolls out the 80’s tunes and I hear an old favorite, I join the crowd on the dance floor and awkwardly Celebrate Good Times, Come On.weddingfamily

RobynLater, after the festivities wind down, I take one of my “littles” to the airport, hug her at the gate and smile as she walks into the jet bridge to board her plane. Alone. She’s flying back to Texas to get her braces off. I try to be brave but tears have a way of ignoring courage. And I realize she’s growing up too. Taking flight. Literally.train

The next day, I drive back home with two kids—but not the two I left with.
The day after that, I hug the big girl at the station before dawn and she departs with the train song.

Afterward, I text my husband who’s a thousand miles away and query, “I wonder. Does it ever get easier to watch them leave?”
‘Cause nobody ever told me that staying up all night and wiping little bottoms is a piece of cake compared to the messes that aren’t able to be sanitized by Clorox wipes and late night worrying about not being able to hold their hand in the parking lot (or the tunnel).
Well actually, maybe they did but I wasn’t listening.
Their daddy responds, “Easier, I think yes. Easy. Never.”

starla sleepingSo tonight, the littlest princess crawls in my bed, hugging her brown bear called “Choco” in one arm and “Oreo” the mangy black and white panda in the other. And I snuggle in next to her and savor the moment.
She’s already breathing long and even.
And I remind myself that she’s a gift. They’re all a gift. The guy who usually sleeps in that spot, he’s a gift too.
And I breathe in His mercies and breathe out gratitude.
My muscles relax as I trust and rest until my gentle breaths match hers.

 

(Afterword: No offense to young moms. I was overwhelmed then too. The whole mom thing is an exercise in dependence by design.)